casual or strings attached? (reply to tomz blog)

so here's a topic set by my very best friend tommy in his blog. and he said:

In terms of relationship, and by this i mean a guy being close to a girl or vice versa, in more than friendly manner.

When your relationship comes to a certain point which i think you know where, do you prefer to have it casual? To consider it as something fun to experience, somehow gray, and unlabeled so to say.

OR do you prefer to have it named? (boyfriend, girlfriend, soulmate, love, you name it).

in that case i have to say that this is a case that always happened to me almost all the time. when I am close to someone with or without intention to be with someone, i always want to define the relationship for future's sake. i will say it again. I WILL ALWAYS WANT TO DEFINE MY RELATIONSHIP. i dont want it to be casual. maybe i would, but there's a point in a relationship where u cant be a casual. u gotta do it anyway so why dont u do it from the start?

and here's my reason:

when i went out with one of my exes (is that the plural form?), and there's a time when u want to know what kind of relationship that we were having, i asked "what are we now?" and she said "i just want it to be natural, casual, is status really matters to u?" well at that point u say "it's not that.. it's just.. bla bla bla" and u gave her some reasons, but in my head i was thinking.."hell yea it matters!! where's my limit if i dont know my status?" i mean.. if you are casual, can u hold her hand? can u give her a hug? can u kiss her? it's not that it matters to kiss you or sleep with you, what matters is that we know our limit when we want to express our feeling. is a kiss alrite? is a hug too much? and thats one.

number two is that it gives u an idea on how to react at some events. here's what happened to me before. so we were kinda casual, and she decided to go out with some other guy, a friend that she hasn't met for a long time. how would you react? is that ok if u feel jealous? well she's not yours for u to be jealous. but u feel jealous? what do u do? nothing u can do. u dont have the right to be jealous, but u are just a human being that can feel jealousy. its like a mental torture when this happens, believe me, u wont like it. now when the same thing happens to u, when a girl asked u on a date, what do u do? will u ask for permission? but she's not ur girlfriend why should u be worried? but u feel guilty and uncomfortable going out with someone else. so u decided to tell her and she said u cant go out with her? how would u react? but i guess it depends on how would u want to react at the first place. if u like it this way, then u re a lucky bastard. but if either side feel this way, then this is for u.

and here's the final reason. u want to define ur relationship because u want to be sure on where is this relationship going to. well.. there's this relationship that i had before, and when i asked her what we were, she said this "we will see.. if we are destined together, then no one will be able to break it". what did i say? "ok" and that was the worst answer i had ever given to anyone. i mean helloooooo?? are u dumb or just plain stupid? sorry if im not a believer. sorry if im not a biggest fan of cinderella story. and sorry if im being realistic. but hell, i dont believe in destiny. i believe that we are what we decided yesterday. there's no such thing as destiny in love. i believe that 2 people falling in love and try to work out for their relationship. if u cant give me assurance of where this relationship is going to then u dont want what i want. and thats the end of the story for me. u can say "but i love her". well theres million of men and women out there looking for exactly u and u want to try to do and work it out even though u dont know where is it going to? its ur call buddy, as i said, u are what u decided yesterday. but does he or she really worth trying? if yes then u re a lucky person and u should go for it. but keep my advices in mind.

and that concludes it, what do u think?

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